Lost Futures

(Posted via my phone, later edited via PC :)

Lost and concerned, dazed and confused?

I never know what to do, my uncertain future has a hold on my heart.

The actions of my today are informed by my yesterday and shape my tomorrow.

The future terrifies me.

My past haunts me.

I live in the moment because it is the only time I can TOUCH..

The present is a present to my self with many wonders held within.

I want to hide myself inside that package,

surrender to an enveloping Now,

hide from my past and the terrible uncertainty of my future.

Is this box a trap?

Am I limiting myself,

and hindering the growth of my soul,

by stubbornly refusing to look either forward or back?

In my box, only living day to day, moment to moment..

am I missing the point of existence?

Time is an illusion, a man-made construct.

Who are WE to say you CAN'T live in the future or even the past?

Just because we "remember" something,

does that truly mean we've already "experienced" it?

Isn't it possible that,

what millions of people experience as Deja Vu,

are just future memories?

Our brains have so much processing power,

yet we only know of them using but a small portion of it.

Is the rest of the human mind just a giant space-time translator,

trying to keep us sane by making sense of our places in the universe

and displaying the sensory input in a linear and understandable output

that our perceptions can accept?

I don't know.

I simply know that I am concerned for my future,

(whatever that means)

and I feel LOST.

Sick...

It is a little interesting how something like coming down with a cold can lead to you forgetting about things like a blog.  More pressing things on my mind I guess. Like my SINUSES! Added on top of my abysmal attempt at flight of two weeks ago when I came off of a roof the fast and painful way, I have just not been that mindful of keeping up this blog lately.  With the bruised ribs from my fall, every sniffle and sneeze hurt my chest.  The sniffles aren't so bad, the sneezes are sudden and uncontrollable contractions of damaged muscles that do NOT want to be asked to JUMP in that fashion... those hurt :-P  I have decided that I will not take for granted all the little things like taking a deep breath, stretching, yawning, sneezing, coughing, sniffling, laughing, etc that just become more difficult and tinged with pain after sustaining a rib injury.  So this blog is just an update I guess, and an attempt to assuage my guilt over not having written a blog in a few days. 

I am already sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Hopefully I heal and recover from this illness quickly.  I will try to be more diligent with the blog posts. :)

Bloem

So.. apparently a bloem is a dutch word for bloom, as in the bloom of a flower.

Bloem

Okay.. not the worst thing in the world to have associated with what I had hoped was just another made up mash-up of a word combining blog with poem the way vlog combined video with blog.  I mean, a bloom or flower of a flowering plant signifies new life or the re-emergence of life like that which comes along every Spring.  I do hope that this bloem blog can be a re-emergence of my creative life.  A place for me to nurture and grow the seeds of my writing process and branch out my imagination.  I want to push myself to write, even if I am only writing about that WANT to write.  Maybe I'll surprise myself with what I come up with.  Maybe some divine inspiration will emerge and blossom into something bigger.  Or maybe I'll just write my silly poems and the occasional rambling story about my life or ghost gnomes on mars and life will just continue to ramble on. :)  I'm honestly good with it, either way.  I am in a new beginning in my life, a time a renewal and new growth.  Let the bloems commence!


In Bloom - Nirvana

Sell the kids for food
Weather changes moods
Spring is here again
Reproductive glands

He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
when I say
He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
when I say yeeeaaahhh



We can have some more
Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit
Tender age in bloom

He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
when I say
He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
when I say yeeeaaahhh

*Guitar solo*

He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
when I say
He’s the one
Who likes all our pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
Knows not what it means
Knows not what it means and I say yeeeaaahhh
mmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmm

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Blog re-launch

At first when I had the thought of restarting and trying to breathe new life into this lapsed blog of mine, I briefly toyed with the idea of re-naming it "Thing-a-Day", a blatant rip-off of Jonathan Coulton, a folksy, humorous, singer/song writer of whom I have recently grown quite fond, and who gained notice through his own musical project "Thing-a-week" in which he put out one new or cover song a week for a year.  After a bit of thought, I decided that, as much as I'd LIKE to be able to say that I would write at least one thing a day, I knew/know myself, and my horrible tendency toward procrastination, better than that.  Hence, Bloem a Week was born. :)  Still a tribute to (sounds nicer than ripoff ;) Mr. Coulton as well as to the band he ripped off.. I mean, was inspired by, They Might Be Giants, whose old Dial-A-Song service, back in the days of answering machines, served as the inspiration for Jonathan's musical project.  Lastly, but most certainly not least, I would be remiss if I did not include my friend Patrick Brennan, whose excellent art/writing blog 52 Fridays  not only ALSO follows this tried-and-true self motivator of weekly postings but also showed me what a blog can be and inspired me to someday maintain my own blog.

Now, despite the fact that I settled on "..A Week" as the 'suffix' to my blog's title, I will by no means use that as an excuse to limit myself to merely one post a week.  If I am able to maintain daily blogs for a while, so be it.  Someone said "Less is More" but, honestly, isn't MORE more??  So I will endeavor to write, as often, and whenever the mood strikes me, and, AT LEAST once a week.  I gave myself that self motivator in the title to do just that, motivate my SELF.  I like the me who writes, even if I don't always care for some of the silliness or aborted attempts at deep philosophic meanderings that spill out of his head and onto the keyboard. :)  So I will practice BEING that me.

- Josh

Blogger's Neglect

So I guess I dropped the ball on this blog for a week or so.  It's not that I did not think about blogging, or more to the point, the fact that I had not contributed anything to my blog in a while, I just did not have any clear inspiration and I was coming home pretty tired all week from my first real physical work in quite some time.  Even the inspiration for THIS blog is just the lack of inspiration I have had and to assuage my writer's guilt.

     I did have a few thoughts over the course of the last 10 days on some topics I could blog about.  I realized that there are some, perhaps even many, things that I do not feel I can share in this particular blog.  Things that if I wanted to write about I would publish anonymously or even in a private journal for my eyes only.  This is my public blog.  I want this blog to be accessible to any of my friends and family on facebook who might be interested in reading what I have to say on whatever various topics I choose to write about.  That said, there are certainly some aspects of my(and surely of anyone's) life that I wouldn't choose to share with everyone.  And I'm sure it is just as true that not everyone would want to know the things that I would not talk about here.

     I am still struggling for inspiration so I guess I will accept that this is all I have to contribute to my blog at this time.  Maybe I will just write a detailed account of what I did at work last week for my next post.  Could be incredibly boring but at least I will feel like I made an effort to write and share some of my life with others.  I did see both a sea otter and a beautiful soaring eagle at my job site last week.  Too bad I was not inspired to write a sonnet or something about the graceful beauty of an eagle's flight.  Okay, I feel silly and cliched now, so I will end this post.  Hopefully I will find something that I want to write about soon.  At the very least I can start recycling my old poetry on here.  I am sure some of it is in need of a little re-writing.

First Post

Writer's block is a funny thing.  Not "funny ha-ha" mind you, but funny nonetheless.  Trying to think of something to write here I ran up against my old friend/foe, the writer's block.  I have come to think of it as a sort of entity unto itself after all these years.  I have within me, a gift for writing, or at least so I have felt and been told in the past.  However, I also struggle to find inspiration, motivation and forward momentum in wordsmithery.  (Yeah, I think I just made up that last word, but it sounded right..)  I constantly find myself "up against the block" as it were, wanting, on some level at least, to express myself with words(written, typed, even occasionally spoken) and yet unable to think of the thing to say, or the clever metaphor, even just some way new of observing something, so as not to seem boring, obtuse or plagiarizing.

     So it comes that my first post on my new blog is about writer's block.  I have written about writer's block before.  Maybe it comes from a hope that in giving "the block" some undue, hopefully unwanted(it is my FOE after all, I want for 'it' any of the things it does not want) attention, it will GO AWAY.  I suppose it is possible that "the block" knows what is best for me, and it only surfaces to stymie and stop my writing efforts when it is in the better interest of my own mental health that I NOT write what I intended to, writing on other subjects, or at times, not writing at all.  Perhaps "the block" is a silent hero in my life, saving bits of my sanity by it's efforts to block my creative outlets at times of my own mental weakness.  Or it is just a dick.  Not wanting creative expression of any kind to exist when it is around.

     I think I had more to say in that last paragraph, but I do not think that "the block" likes me talking about him, as my fount of words seems to have run dry once more.  Ah well.. I have bleed a fair amount of words onto this digital page all the while fighting the writer's block, so I will have to accept 3 paragraphs as a decent affront to "the block"s efforts to silence my pixelated penmanship.  I hope I am able to find a successful outlet in this blog for the imp of creativity that sometimes dwells behind my eyes.  And maybe if I battle "the block" more often, he will torment me less.